Why can't people just accept me for who I am? Why can't they accept me for what I like and what I don't like? Why do I feel like I have to change me so that others will like me? Why can't I just do what I like to do and what I feel comfortable with without feeling pressure to do something I don't enjoy or I don't want to do (ie drinking, staying out late, karaoke)?
This is one thing that really bothers me about what my husband is doing. For 10 years he accepted me for me, didn't pressure me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with and, I thought, truly accepted me for who I am and all of my likes, dislikes, quirks, ambitions, opinions and more. He liked me for me and never made me feel like I needed to change or do anything differently in our marriage. In fact, he never complained! He always said that I was a great wife and that he loved me so much and that he was lucky to have me. He never once expressed any discontent with me or our marriage. How can someone do that to a person? It's like he was leading me through a mine field, blind-folded. Good luck! I hope you don't step on a mine and blow our entire marriage, relationship and history out of the water.
I feel so lied to. So rejected. So unaccepted by the one person who longs to be accepted by everyone. My husband is such a people person and wants everyone to like him and accept him and love him. He is "the life of the party" and needs to be accepted by everyone around him. He had it rough going through school. He wasn't popular, wasn't really accepted by everyone until later in our high school career. He slowly started becoming more outgoing and had a great sense of humor. He could make anyone laugh - especially me. He needed and wanted to be accepted by everyone around him. And now look what he has done. He has totally rejected the one person who really accepted him first. I accepted him for who he was and loved him from the very start. I would never, ever want to change him. He is everything I am not and I loved that about him. Why would he want me to be exactly like him? I understand the need to participate in the same activities and have common interests, but he has made me feel like I need to change my entire personality and character to match his.
I don't want to change who I am! I like me and I am comfortable in my skin. I have always had fairly good self-confidence and I have always been sure of who I am. I know I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be perfect, but I like who I am. I like being the steady, responsible type who has a clear path of what needs to be accomplished and how to get there. I am a planner, list maker, goal setter. I know there are a certain amount of steps that need to be taken to reach a certain goal and I work the plan. What is so wrong with that!?!? God made me and he likes what he has made. He loves me. Why can't my husband and others just accept that? I don't want to go out and get drunk! I don't want to have to hale a cab because I can't drive! I don't want to grind on a stranger on the dance floor! I do have hopes and dreams, goals and ambitions! Just because they don't fit exactly what you want, doesn't mean it's right or wrong, good or bad. It's just me. It's what I want. It's what I like!
When I was younger, I had this t-shirt that had turtles on it. There were about 4 rows of 4 turtles. They were just drawn on, not real pictures of turtles. But each of the turtle's shells were wildly different. They were brightly colored, with different patterns on each shell. At the bottom the caption said: "Conformity is Boring." I really loved that shirt. I felt like it was me. I never really wanted to copy others style or look. I liked being different and not wearing the latest and greatest jeans or shoes. (Which was a good thing because my family was pretty broke and we never had a whole lot of money to spend on cloths.)
I have so many, many questions and I just don't know my right from my left. Where do I begin? Where do I end? What do I say? What the hell is going on?!?
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I found your post because I was searching for the turtle "Conformity is Boring" T-shirt. This was my absolute favorite t-shirt as a teen. I feel that it really was a symbol of who I was then, and who I still am now. Just remember, that no matter what, the one and only one that loves you no matter what is Jesus Christ. Read Psalms, it really helped me through a lot of difficult situations. No matter what you are feeling, experiencing, or doing, God has a purpose for you and are allowing you to experience this to give you the necessary push to be who He knows you can be. Remember to think out of the box! I wish you the best.
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