Friday, August 22, 2008

A Millions Steps Backward

Since my husband confirmed my worst nightmare on Wednesday, I feel like I have taken a million steps backward emotionally. My body is aching terribly like it did when this all shot out into the open back in April. My concentration here at work is just in pieces today and I could just cry and cry and cry. I thought that being apart from him would make this easier, but hasn't and I am just a mess again. What am I going to do? How am I going to get through this? I just want to be happy again. I once told my husband that him just breathing made me happy. That was a lie. He is breathing right now somewhere out there and I am not happy. I am miserable. I am at zero. I have nothing left in me to think about or review. I have looked at it all and I am just drained. There is nothing I can do. There is nothing...

Misery is all around me, suffocating me, blocking my airways. Choking the life right out of me and he doesn't even care. I am at the bottom of this pit and there is nothing, nothing in this world I can do.

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