Blessed Among Women

Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I was praying that God would make me the dynamic person he needs and wants me to be. I don't know why I am going through this personal hell, but I am and if I don't come through this with a new attitude and a new outlook then it will all be wasted. I am really trying to learn and grow from all of this. Find out who I am and know that my hope doesn't lie in the world and in men, but my hope lies in God and the knowledge that he sees and hears all.

Whoever I am when I come out on the other side of this, I pray that it is the person God wants me to be. Compassionate, loving, caring, happy. I don't want to be bitter. I want to happy. At times it feels like I will never be happy again. Like I am doomed to live in this anguish the rest of my life, but I know that is not true. I know God wants me to be happy and I know that my story will be told many times and will give encouragement to so many other husbands and wives who will be going through this same struggle. I want to be used by God and I want him to use this nightmare so that others can find the hope they need in their darkest times.

Anyway, I have been trying to read my Bible a little before I go to bed each night. I don't get very far, but I try. In June I found The Message Bible at a rummage sale for $1 and bought it. I love this version of God's word. I can understand it with ease and it really translates well into today's form of talking. It's truthful, straight forward and honest. So, I am not a huge Bible person. I rarely know where to go and what to read. I play this game where I just open it up and start reading. God's word is alive and living and can speak to me where ever I am at in life. It's applicable to so many things I am going through and here is what I came across last night:

Luke 1:39-56
Blessed Among Women
39-45Mary didn't waste a minute.
She got up and traveled to a town in Judah in the hill country,
straight to Zachariah's house, and greeted Elizabeth.
When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby in her womb leaped.
She was filled with the Holy Spirit, and sang out exuberantly,
You're so blessed among women,
and the babe in your womb, also blessed!
And why am I so blessed that
the mother of my Lord visits me?
The moment the sound of your
greeting entered my ears,
The babe in my womb
skipped like a lamb for sheer joy.
Blessed woman, who believed what God said,
believed every word would come true!
46-55And Mary said,
I'm bursting with God-news;
I'm dancing the song of my Savior God.
God took one good look at me, and look what happened—
I'm the most fortunate woman on earth!
What God has done for me will never be forgotten,
the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others.
His mercy flows in wave after wave
on those who are in awe before him.
He bared his arm and showed his strength,
scattered the bluffing braggarts.
He knocked tyrants off their high horses,
Pulled victims out of the mud.
The starving poor sat down to a banquet;
the callous rich were left out in the cold.
He embraced his chosen child, Israel;
he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high.
It's exactly what he promised,
beginning with Abraham and right up to now.
56Mary stayed with Elizabeth for three months and then went back to her own home.

I realize that this scripture relates to Mary being pregnant with Jesus, but she was chosen out of so many women by God to carry out this heavy task of being Jesus' mother. Out of thousands and possibly millions of woman who were living at that time, God chose Mary because he knew she could handle it. He knew that she would be his strongest advocate here on earth. I am no Mary by any means, but there is some reason as to why me and my husband are going through all of this right now. I don't know why, but I choose to believe that it is part of a great plan he has for us and our marriage.

I wish I had all of the answers and knew when this would all end and how it would end, but I don't. I wish I could fast forward through the upcoming months and years and just get to being happy again, but I can't. I have to go through the fire in order to be made pure and stronger for what lies ahead. I am trying so hard to rest in God's hands and let him do all of the work, but it's not easy. Every day, it's a task to just get out of bed and I pray that He would get me through yet another day. And He does. He is so faithful to me and I don't want to let Him down. I long to become the person he needs me to be in this world.