Wow...

A few nights ago I received a phone call from a mutual friend of mine and my husbands. It was a nice surprise to get phone call from someone I wouldn't expect and we talked for over an hour about my husband and his ex-fiance. It was a nice conversation and he was a little flirtatious with me. Nothing too overblown or outspoken. Just slightly, but noticeable. I have to admit it was nice to be flirted with and the next morning I woke up feeling pretty good about myself and knowing the simple fact that someone could be interested enough in me to flirt with me.

As the day progressed, the confident feeling I had continued and for the first time in over 2 months I felt a little bit of happiness. Well, later that night I was praying and just talking to God as if he were my best girlfriend sitting right next to me. I started saying to God that my husband has made me feel so worthless and useless and that has had me very beat down. This thought started to make me very angry. How could anyone I love so much make me feel so low, like I wasn't even worth the effort to talk to? Since this revelation I have been feeling really, really good. Almost to the point where I could see moving on from my husband. (almost) But I have had such a huge confidence boost and realize that I am worth so much more than what my husband could possibly ever realize. Just that brief conversation with our friend and his little flirtation has made me look at things so much differently. I feel so much different too! I am a catch. I am a good person. I am worth it!

Hear me out - I do not want a divorce. No, no, no! I still love my husband very much and want to have him back. But maybe I am gaining a little backbone and will be able to stand up for myself when he comes back. I won't have to just accept him back without any consequences. I will have strength of my own and can show him that I have changed a lot, but I am also still Bethany. The Bethany he married fours years ago.

Lord, you better wake him up soon...