Strength from Weakness

When I have my "bad days" I feel so incredibly weak and feeble. I feel sick and achy and I just want to go home and sleep. It feels horrible. My entire body shakes and I cry so much that my eyes become cloudy. They sting from the many, many times I wipe away my tears. My mascara runs and by the time I pull myself together there isn't a trace of make-up left. Why did I even bother? It really sucks!

I had an ok day yesterday. Nothing too good or too bad. Just ok, but I got through. I spent the evening again with my mom. We went to Goodwill. I need a dresser for my bedroom, but I am on a tight budget so I thought I might find something at Goodwill, but no.

On my way home I was sitting at a red light thinking about why I am me. Why am I here in this life as Bethany Lin Parker-Hardy born on April 13, 1982 at about 5:30pm in Muncie, Indiana? Why am I going through all of this? Why not someone else? I have been praying for strength and wisdom to get through this hell. I need to be strong enough so I don't just wither up and blow away. So I don't become a shell of my former self. And then I was reminded of this scripture:
2 Corinthians 12:9
9 But he said to me, "My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak."
So I am very happy to brag about how weak I am. Then Christ's power can rest on me.

I am so weak now and I just feel like if I were to be confronted with my husband I would just crumble. I need me, myself, Bethany Hardy to become a stronger person. I need strength to get through this. I need God to change me and my heart to become a better, stronger version of myself. I am who I am so that He can make me who he needs to be. Stronger, bolder, wiser. I am truly at one of life's lowest lows. The valley of all valleys. Why? Why me? Because in the weakness that Bethany Hardy has, His power is the greatest. It's the strongest.

What will come from all of this? What will come of all this growth, self-discovering, changing, hurting? I don't know the answer to that yet, but I need to rest in the idea that even though I am so weak and tired, He will show is power to me, my husband, my family and my friends. He will get the glory when all of this has passed.

Let the weak say I am strong.