Pain

I am having a pretty rough time... Last night I felt like I needed to stay home and pray. So I did, but I just cried and cried. I felt like I didn't get anywhere, but became a sobbing mess. Ugh!!! I am so tired of all of hurting and pain. I just want it to all be over with! Sometimes I think that maybe I should just get a divorce and try to move on that way. But in my mind I would feel like a total failure and that does not sit well with me. We haven't even tried to work out our marriage. Not even the littlest effort has been given on my husbands part. He just left. Why would I really want to stay with someone who did that? It's because I know him and I know his spirit. His actions right now are of the flesh and I have to separate those two ideas and know that my true husband is in there somewhere. He is hiding and running from all of the pain, hurt and confusion.

I am so tired...

I woke this morning and just couldn't hardly think about it. But I felt like I needed to get up and get ready and have a few minutes of quite time with God before I went to work. I really just opened my Bible and began to read:

John16:21-23"When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there's no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you'll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You'll no longer be so full of questions."

I can't help to wonder how long my labor pains are going to last before I have joy again. I am so tired. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Just tired... I need an epidural so I can get some rest! Ha!

Lord, how much longer will my labor pains last?

I saw this quote over the weekend while I was out shopping and it just really touched me:

"Where there is great love there are always miracles." Willa Cather