Hating Life

I want off of this roller coaster!!! I am so sick of these emotional swings. I hate my husband. I love my husband. I am furious with my husband. I want to forgive my husband. UGH!!!! I just want all of this to end. Just the simple fact that I am going to see my father-in-law today so he can give me some mail from my husband has totally thrown me for a loop. Why? I don't know why! It just has! I am just ready to jump and land wherever I land...

I am not suicidal. Not in the least bit. I just want all of this to stop. I just know when I see my father-in-law it's just going to be more bad news. My husband is doing this or he's saying that. I just can't take it anymore! I just need to keep reminding myself that this is the person who made me feel worthless; a nobody. Why in the world would I want to continue in that relationship? Well, probably because I believe in my wedding vows and know that if given the chance or marriage can work and be wonderful.

I am trying so very hard to keep my head up and look beyond this. To see the possibility of my life without him and to see that I will survive. Honestly, this was my biggest fear. Losing my husband (in some way, shape or form) and having to live life without him. I guess I am doing that, but it's not easy. If he had a t least died, then I could really start moving forward with my life. I am just in limbo now. Why hasn't he filed for divorce? Why hasn't he contacted me asking me to file for divorce? I really hate my life right now...

Jeremiah 29:11
"I know the plans I have for you," announces the Lord. "I want you to enjoy success. I do not plan to harm you. I will give you hope for the years to come.