Fourth

Today is our fourth anniversary. It's a powerful day for many ways. I woke this morning remembering right away that today was June 26th. As I started praying still half asleep God reminded me of this: "This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."

After remembering this hymn, I went to Biblegateway.com and looked up that scripture and it comes from Psalm 118. It says:
1-4 Thank God because he's good, because his love never quits.
Tell the world, Israel,
"His love never quits."
And you, clan of Aaron, tell the world,
"His love never quits."
And you who fear God, join in,
"His love never quits."
5-16 Pushed to the wall, I called to God;
from the wide open spaces, he answered.
God's now at my side and I'm not afraid;
who would dare lay a hand on me?
God's my strong champion;
I flick off my enemies like flies.
Far better to take refuge in God
than trust in people;
Far better to take refuge in God
than trust in celebrities.
Hemmed in by barbarians,
in God's name I rubbed their faces in the dirt;
Hemmed in and with no way out,
in God's name I rubbed their faces in the dirt;
Like swarming bees, like wild prairie fire, they hemmed me in;
in God's name I rubbed their faces in the dirt.
I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall,
when God grabbed and held me.
God's my strength, he's also my song,
and now he's my salvation.
Hear the shouts, hear the triumph songs
in the camp of the saved?
The hand of God has turned the tide!
The hand of God is raised in victory!
The hand of God has turned the tide!"
17-20 I didn't die. I lived!
And now I'm telling the world what God did.
God tested me, he pushed me hard,
but he didn't hand me over to Death.
Swing wide the city gates—the righteous gates!
I'll walk right through and thank God!
This Temple Gate belongs to God,
so the victors can enter and praise.
21-25 Thank you for responding to me;
you've truly become my salvation!
The stone the masons discarded as flawed
is now the capstone!
This is God's work.
We rub our eyes—we can hardly believe it!
This is the very day God acted—
let's celebrate and be festive!
Salvation now, God. Salvation now!
Oh yes, God—a free and full life!
26-29 Blessed are you who enter in God's name—
from God's house we bless you!
God is God,
he has bathed us in light.
Festoon the shrine with garlands,
hang colored banners above the altar!
You're my God, and I thank you.
O my God, I lift high your praise.
Thank God—he's so good.
His love never quits!

Again, I am blown away but God's grace and touch. Today is a powerful day. It is the day four years ago that my husband and I were married in the sight of God and two flesh became one.

I was talking to God about if I should fast or not and what I should fast from. Yesterday I thought that maybe I should fast today and at the time I didn't think much of it. I just said "No, I can't do that. I am having dinner with friends tomorrow night." Then later in the evening it came to my mind again, but this time I was reminded that it was our anniversary and what better day to fast and pray than on our wedding anniversary. Ok God, you win. I get it. I am just trying to remember what this day stands for in my life and my husbands life and pray that he will remember it and feel it.

We had a great wedding day. It was perfect weather with perfect temperatures for a late June wedding. Everything went so smoothly. I can't remember one hicup in any of the days events. My husband was sick that day though. I didn't even realize it! He was getting a head cold and was pretty stuffy, but he didn't tell me that until we got into the car to drive to the reception. It was a great day.

I love my husband very much and through all of this that has been going on I feel that my love has only grown stronger, more determined. I keep saying that this current version of my husband isn't him. This isn't who I married four years ago. This is a facade that only looks like him, but his words and actions are not him what so ever. I have known him since he was young and the husband I know is very loving, sensitive and compassionate. This current form is hard, unloving and insensitive. Weird.

God has really been showing himself to me and again last night I was praying right before I feel asleep and it was impressed on me that we hadn't kept God in the middle of our marriage. He started their when we exchanged our marriage vows four years ago, but we didn't keep him there. We sort of got busy with life, jobs, finances, family and falling away from church. He started in the middle, but we didn't keep him in the middle. And for that I repent. I am sorry, that it took this horribly tragic turn of events in our marriage for me to realize this. But last night when that was brought to my mind, I immediately began to pray that God would lock himself back in the middle of our marriage and that we never forget that that is his rightful place. We need him to be the center, really holding things together.

The world may look at us and think that their is no hope. But God! But God is on my side and I am reminded of the verse Romans 8:31 "If God be for us, who can be against us?" The world will write off my marriage in a heartbeat, but God is for me and even if the entire world is against me they will not stand against God and his perfect will. My husband is my husband and no one else's. God wants us to be together. We are stronger together then separated and God will bring our marriage back from the dead, just like Jesus was risen from the dead. I have faith the size of a mustard seed....