Change Is Coming

Change...this thought has been going through my mind ever since the day my husband told me that he had cheated on me. He would say "I feel like I am changing" and that he felt like I would never change. True, I am not one to willingly volunteer to make any sort of change. I am steady, routine type person who cringes at the thought of change. But now that my life has completely shattered, change is inevitable. If I like it or not, my life has changed, my husband has changed, I have changed.

I bought that book "The Power of a Praying Wife" and the very first chapter was about change. Not changing my husband, but changing me. Changing my thought process, actions, words. Letting God in my life and humbling myself to him so that he can change me and then it will be like a domino effect. Give myself to him and be willing to see my short comings and my imperfections and then I will truly be able to pray for my husband and know and understand what to pray for him.

In the first chapter it talked about finding what is holding you back. What sins are in your life that might hinder God's movement. Selfishness? Anger? Unforgivness? As I was reading through their few examples of what could slow the movement of God, I searched my heart. I don't think I have hate or unforgivness toward my husband. I really, honestly don't. I want to love him and I want to forgive him. So, what then? What was holding me back from truly giving myself to God? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks... doubt, fear and worry. Those three concepts have totally wrecked me in the past. I am a worrier. Can't help it. I just worry and I know that that really bothered my husband. He hated it! And now I hate it too! I don't want to worry about what the next day is going to bring. I am tired of worrying and doubting if God can actually save my marriage. FAITH! Have faith the size of a mustard seed. Know that God wants my marriage to work more than I do. He brought us together for a reason and his way is perfect. I have given too much of my life to worry.

Matthew 6:30-33 says it like this: "If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

I want to change. I am willing to change. Change me, Lord. Here I am. Change me. Change me so I fully trust you and your actions. Change me so I do not worry about what is to come. Change me so I can lay all of my worries at your feet and know that you will take care of them. Change me so that I can be a powerful wife in prayer for my husband so that nothing holds me back. Change me so that I can have the authority and strength to see him through this. Change me so that our marriage is better, more full than I ever thought possible. Change me so I can pray effectively, without any hindrances. Change me, Lord. I am now willing and I fully lay myself at your feet to be changed. It may be uncomfortable, but I know in the end the results will be worth it. Just like giving birth, it's labor pains for the moment only to have a beautifully made being at the end. Change me, Lord...