I wasn't going to write today. Now that I have let my husband read my blog, I am fearful that he is going to continue to read it and fight my every word and logical thought and opinion. Oh well, I have to get all of this junk that I am feeling inside of me out. My husband can fight me tooth and nail, not giving me a second look, not giving all of his promises to me a second thought. Go ahead, fight me! I have nothing left to prove to you! I have done and said everything that I know how to.
How can I be faulted and punished for something I wasn't aware of?
Why am I being martyred for his lack of communication and awareness of himself?
He isn't willing because he has her.
I am not going to give up on him even though he wants me to.
I am going to stop trying to make this make sense to him. He isn't willing to hear me. He isn't willing and I can't not do anything or make him willing. If I could, I would have done it already.
Does my newly strength faith intimidate him?
Lord Jesus,
Help me let him go and back into your hands. I think I picked him back up two weeks ago, but I don't want him in my hands anymore. That is not where he belongs. I give him back to you . I put him back into your strong, capable hands. You are in control. I can not do anything, but you can. I trust you Lord. But I will continue to stand and believe that your are a God of restoration and I believe you will restore my marriage in your timing. I wait on you, Lord. Have mercy on him and me and our marriage. I thank you for the strength and courage to face each day of my life. Even though it feels so out of control, you are firmly at the wheel guiding and directing my steps. I pray for Ben. He is in your hands. Amen.
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