As I was drifting off to sleep last night, a thought occurred to me. Back in May when all of this unfolded, I came to the logical conclusion that even though my husband has done this massively horrible, life-altering thing I still loved him. Not only did I love him, but it's almost as close as you can get to unconditional love that any human could possibly experience. So, as I was drifting off to sleep and my mind was slowly winding down this occurred to me - It's not on my own will power and strength that I love my husband unconditionally, but it's through God that I love him in this way. And as I was his wish that a husband and wife would love each other just as He loves the church. I don't know why I feel like my love is unconditional. I am not special. I am human and I can hate just as easily as I can love. But there is something different about the love I feel for my husband. I can only explain it as God's love pushing through me to reach out to my husband. It's not by my own power and might, but by His power and might that I am able to see past all of the mess and filth that has been liter through our marriage over the recent months.
It's as if I am feeling these intense feelings for my husband so that I am able to experience just a fraction of what God's love and longing for us is. Maybe...???
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