God with an Emergency Plan

What is trust? What does it look like? What does it feel like? How do you do it? I don't know... I want to trust God and believe Him and know that He is in control, but I feel that I am failing miserably at it. My mind is a just a race of mixed emotions and I can barely stop it! So many "what ifs." They practically run my life! How can I stop them? How can I say "Yes, I trust you." But in all reality, I don't? I am scared. I am scared to totally trust Him. I feel like I have to be on guard. "Well, okay Lord. I will trust you, but I am still going to prepare for the worst case scenario." Is that right? It's like I am ignoring this huge storm that is on the horizon, but I still have all of my emergency supplies in the closet. "What storm? I don't see any storm clouds. But if there were a storm coming, I am prepared." If that statement is true, then I really don't trust Him, do I? My human nature is on guard towards God and I don't know if I really believe in his promises. Sure, they all sound good and nice, secure. But what if things don't turn out the way I want them to, the way I have prayed so hard for. The way that I know should be right and bring justice. What then? What do I do when all that I have said I believe in, hoped for, fasted for, trusted in just falls flat on its face and I am left standing with nothing that I had been trusting God for. What do I do then? Do I stop trusting and believing in God? Do I turn from Him and say "Never again will I trust you and your ways? Never!" Do I continue to run towards Him and say "That's okay Lord. I am a crushed, slaughtered human being, but I still trust you even though my life is in total shambles." And do it with a smile on my face. NO! How can I do that and not question his ways? I don't know. I don't know how to trust Him and not have the emergency plan in place.

Sure I read this passage, but I am human! I don't know how to not rely on what I know and see. That's all I've got! What is in front of me is all I can see!

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."