Early on in this life situation, I realized that there wasn't much I could do to show my husband the fact that this all hit me from out of nowhere. I couldn't say enough and I couldn't do enough to shed light on the very fact that I didn't know he was feeling the way he was feeling. There was and still is nothing I can do. Nothing. That is a very helpless feeling and a terrible one at that. This morning I was praying (of course) and feeling completely helpless as usual and then I remembered this scripture:
Zechariah 4:6
'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.
It's not by my might or power, but by His. He can do it and I need to just let him do so.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Still Amazed
I tend to go on a roller coaster with my emotions. Up and down all day long and it can be very tiring. Well, I was just having a down moment and was just asking God to be here with me and to just take away some of my sadness. I asked him to just be with me. I had to go back to the fax machine here at work and there was a mug back on the sink with the passage Zephaniah 3:17 written on it and I came back to my computer and as I was sitting here talking to God I told him I just want to delight Him and make Him happy with my actions and reactions. And then I looked up the scripture and here is what it says:
Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)
17 The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
Can you believe that!?! Right there! Two of my most recent prayers addressed in one scripture. I just sat back in amazement. I am in awe...
Thank you, Lord...
Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)
17 The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
Can you believe that!?! Right there! Two of my most recent prayers addressed in one scripture. I just sat back in amazement. I am in awe...
Thank you, Lord...
Fiery Furnace
This morning in my quiet time I read Daniel 3 about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and the fiery furnace. A few days ago this story came across my mind and quickly left as I didn't know where to find it in the Bible and I forgot about it. But at the time I remember thinking about having faith and how those boys really took more like a gigantic leap into the faith world when faced with the reality of being put into a furnace. Well, this morning I read the story and it hit home of course! I feel like I have been in a fiery furnace for the past 5 months and it just keeps getting hotter and hotter! What did it feel like to completely put your physical life into God's hands? I mean, here I am putting my marriage in God's hands and I commit my life into God's hands, but I don't feel an immediate threat of losing my life like they did. And at the same time they were SO confident of God and his power. They knew God was able to save them - beyond a shadow of a doubt. Where does that kind of faith come from? Can't I just take a pill and automatically be filled with that measure of faith? And, not only did they have that faith, but he met them right there in the fire! Wow... I want that! Sure I get the metaphor "God is with us wherever we go." But I want more. I want to see more of him! I want more, more, more!
I am going through a very tough and hot fire right now and I know He is with me. I know it. There are just some times where I feel alone. I know He is here, but I am human and can't always see past my own emotions. And I also crave that kind of faith. I want it so bad! To just be able to speak something and know it and believe it. It's like I have to constantly tell myself that I believe it. I don't really feel it in my head or my heart and so I have to remind myself over and over who He is and who I am and that He is able. He is able and He is with me always even in the fiery furnace.
I am going through a very tough and hot fire right now and I know He is with me. I know it. There are just some times where I feel alone. I know He is here, but I am human and can't always see past my own emotions. And I also crave that kind of faith. I want it so bad! To just be able to speak something and know it and believe it. It's like I have to constantly tell myself that I believe it. I don't really feel it in my head or my heart and so I have to remind myself over and over who He is and who I am and that He is able. He is able and He is with me always even in the fiery furnace.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Coincidence?
Before I got out of bed this morning, I read Psalm 18:
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave [b] coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
7 The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
9 He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
13 The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded. [c]
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,
great bolts of lightning and routed them.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
20 The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I have not done evil by turning from my God.
22 All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.
23 I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
26 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.
27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
29 With your help I can advance against a troop [d] ;
with my God I can scale a wall.
30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38 I crushed them so that they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
39 You armed me with strength for battle;
you made my adversaries bow at my feet.
40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.
41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
to the LORD, but he did not answer.
42 I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind;
I poured them out like mud in the streets.
43 You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
you have made me the head of nations;
people I did not know are subject to me.
44 As soon as they hear me, they obey me;
foreigners cringe before me.
45 They all lose heart;
they come trembling from their strongholds.
46 The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!
47 He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,
48 who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from violent men you rescued me.
49 Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
I will sing praises to your name.
50 He gives his king great victories;
he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed,
to David and his descendants forever.
It didn't really speak to me that much at the moment. I read through it briefly and started my day and got ready for work. After I was ready and had walked my dog, I had a few more minutes to sit down and read some more in my Bible. I had a little devotional for the day and it was in 2 Samuel and I then remembered a chapter in 2 Samuel that my mom had said was so good and she really enjoyed it. It was 2 Samuel 22. I had tried to remember that chapter yesterday in my reading, but couldn't think of it. I ended up in Romans instead! And when I found it and began reading it this morning, I quickly discovered it is the same as Psalm 18 - what I had just read before getting out of bed this morning! But what the key to all of this is
2 Samuel 22:26:
"To the faithful you show yourself faithful"
and
Psalm 18:25
"To the faithful you show yourself faithful"
I have chanted that over and over. It's become a mantra of sorts for me. I not only have been faithful to my husband, but I have also shown myself faithful to God through all of this nightmare. I have been faithful to Him and not turned my back on Him. I have run towards Him, so hungry for what he wants for me!
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave [b] coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
7 The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
9 He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
13 The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded. [c]
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,
great bolts of lightning and routed them.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
20 The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I have not done evil by turning from my God.
22 All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.
23 I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
26 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.
27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
29 With your help I can advance against a troop [d] ;
with my God I can scale a wall.
30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38 I crushed them so that they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
39 You armed me with strength for battle;
you made my adversaries bow at my feet.
40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.
41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
to the LORD, but he did not answer.
42 I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind;
I poured them out like mud in the streets.
43 You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
you have made me the head of nations;
people I did not know are subject to me.
44 As soon as they hear me, they obey me;
foreigners cringe before me.
45 They all lose heart;
they come trembling from their strongholds.
46 The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!
47 He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,
48 who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from violent men you rescued me.
49 Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
I will sing praises to your name.
50 He gives his king great victories;
he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed,
to David and his descendants forever.
It didn't really speak to me that much at the moment. I read through it briefly and started my day and got ready for work. After I was ready and had walked my dog, I had a few more minutes to sit down and read some more in my Bible. I had a little devotional for the day and it was in 2 Samuel and I then remembered a chapter in 2 Samuel that my mom had said was so good and she really enjoyed it. It was 2 Samuel 22. I had tried to remember that chapter yesterday in my reading, but couldn't think of it. I ended up in Romans instead! And when I found it and began reading it this morning, I quickly discovered it is the same as Psalm 18 - what I had just read before getting out of bed this morning! But what the key to all of this is
2 Samuel 22:26:
"To the faithful you show yourself faithful"
and
Psalm 18:25
"To the faithful you show yourself faithful"
I have chanted that over and over. It's become a mantra of sorts for me. I not only have been faithful to my husband, but I have also shown myself faithful to God through all of this nightmare. I have been faithful to Him and not turned my back on Him. I have run towards Him, so hungry for what he wants for me!
Everything
Psalm 24:1
The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;
I came across this verse yesterday in my research and reading and it is so comforting in my life at this moment. It just shows me beyond a shadow of doubt that God is in control of my life and everyone else's for that matter. Everything is His and His alone. No one and nothing can escape the hand of God, not even my husband. He may think he is able to run and hide, but that is not so. I keep thinking to myself "God's got his number" and he really does. It's just a question of when. When? When? When? I don't know, but I do know the clock is tick, tick, ticking...
God is in control and his timing and his will is perfect.
The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;
I came across this verse yesterday in my research and reading and it is so comforting in my life at this moment. It just shows me beyond a shadow of doubt that God is in control of my life and everyone else's for that matter. Everything is His and His alone. No one and nothing can escape the hand of God, not even my husband. He may think he is able to run and hide, but that is not so. I keep thinking to myself "God's got his number" and he really does. It's just a question of when. When? When? When? I don't know, but I do know the clock is tick, tick, ticking...
God is in control and his timing and his will is perfect.
Friday, September 26, 2008
A Love Letter
My Child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways.
I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image.
For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being.
In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring.
For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived.
I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation.
I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live.
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live.
Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb.
I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born.
And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love.
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father.
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father.
For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing.
And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you.
I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession.
For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish youwith all my heart and all my soul.
I desire to establish youwith all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires.
For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager.
For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being.
He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you.
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you.
Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you.
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you.
1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I lovedthat I might gain your love.
I gave up everything I lovedthat I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me.
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me.
1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father.
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child?
My question is…Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you.
I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your DadAlmighty God
Themes
Over the recent weeks, I have been crying out to the Lord and I did again last night and this morning. Lord, bring me justice! Why does it seem like I am the only one suffering? Why isn't there being justice served on my husband and his infidelity? And then I questioned if it was ok to ask for justice and if so where and when?!? This morning I was asking God to please show me something that I can take peace in. Something that tells me He is in control and to, for a moment, put my mind at ease. I had been reading Hebrews 11. It is a great chapter on faith and believing God, but earlier this week I read Hebrews 10 and totally missed this part until I saw it in a new light this morning as I am crying out for justice:
Hebrews 10:26-31
26If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. 28Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"and again, "The Lord will judge his people."31It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
Others items in the Bible He has shown me related to this are:
Micha 2
The Book of Jeremiah
The Book of Habakkuk
God is in control and he sees everything. He sees my pain and suffering. He hears my cries and my hunger pangs for Him. He see my humble and honest heart laying everything in front of Him. He see my desire to what is right and stay in Him and rely on Him for everything. He also see what my husband is doing. My husband my think that he is running away from everyone and has been able to hid his actions and his heart and his thoughts, but that is not true. God sees. God sees through and through him and his actions and his heart. My husband can't run away from God. God is omni-present. He is all-knowing. If we have accepted Him as our savior is lives in us. We can't run away, even though it feels like we can. God will get us every time and I know He will get my husband. I don't know how or when, but He will. He has promised us that.
Hebrews 10:26-31
26If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. 28Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"and again, "The Lord will judge his people."31It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
Others items in the Bible He has shown me related to this are:
Micha 2
The Book of Jeremiah
The Book of Habakkuk
God is in control and he sees everything. He sees my pain and suffering. He hears my cries and my hunger pangs for Him. He see my humble and honest heart laying everything in front of Him. He see my desire to what is right and stay in Him and rely on Him for everything. He also see what my husband is doing. My husband my think that he is running away from everyone and has been able to hid his actions and his heart and his thoughts, but that is not true. God sees. God sees through and through him and his actions and his heart. My husband can't run away from God. God is omni-present. He is all-knowing. If we have accepted Him as our savior is lives in us. We can't run away, even though it feels like we can. God will get us every time and I know He will get my husband. I don't know how or when, but He will. He has promised us that.
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